My personal letter to myself in 2005

I need to start fresh.. I need to grieve first to let it out from my system

dear Azam in 2005

I'm sorry that you cannot play caprice basque, carmen fantasy, Mendelssohn, tchaikovsky, paganini, kreisler pieces with desired emotions and etc yet.. yes.. it is indeed heartbreaking.. sorry to tell you that you are going to walk in this dark tunnel.. and still searching for the light to finally be able to secure your playing skills.. and yup your dreams will get crushed.. but I promised to try again and again.. until the future me can write me the result to the current me..

I'm sorry, you will be forgotten by him, indeed.. but you will feel glad that you are finally able to release yourself from that poison

I'm sorry, after 5 years from now, you will lose your grandma, your house in kedah,  life will be so different, you are going to miss all these little things and good hearted persons but you will encounter new ones.. some of them will still walk besides you and others.. they stay for a little while..

I'm sorry that neaely 9 years from now.. everything you believed in will be shattered in totality.. yes.. it's a good thing really.. but a little sad.. you will know that this will change your views.. for the greater good..

you will fall in love countless times.. but you will also failed to see yourself in their eyes.. it is painful, you will feel like you never belong on either side.. you wish for it to work.. but generally you know better.. but you chose to stay cause thats the only option.. it does not go away.. azam you have to make peace with it.. it won't.. you won't feel at home at ease.. it does not exist in this terribly false world..

your relationship with your dad will improved.. and your fear of not be able to know him very well.. well.. it just evaporated into the air.. :)

you and your mom? will get closer than ever.. she is indeed your bestest friend..

you are still fat.. sorry to break the news.. countless time trying.. don't worry I'll try to fix it for you..

sincerely
azam 2014 to azam 2005